First to Fall: A Friends to Lovers Historical Romance (Bartholomew series Book 1) by Laney Hatcher

Author:Laney Hatcher [Hatcher, Laney]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2022-05-23T16:00:00+00:00

I waited in the tree house every night for the next week, but Augie didn’t return.

Ten

AUGUSTUS

My palms were sweating as Mother and I ascended the front stairs of Laurel Park.

My mother slid me an odd look as she reached the landing. “Are you well, Augustus?”

“Yes, of course,” I replied, attempting a smile.

Her eyebrows drew lower and she turned to face me more fully, but before she could question my response and my inability to produce a convincing smile, the door opened and Dalton welcomed us to the Bartholomews’ foyer. “Lady Northcutt and Lady Emery are in the family room abovestairs. I’ll escort you, my lord and Your Grace.”

With one final frown in my direction, Mother made her way toward the staircase while I surreptitiously wiped my palms down the length of my trousers.

I needed to pull myself together, but I was anxious over seeing Emery for the first time in a week. We’d parted on such disastrous terms following our argument. I wasn’t sure how I’d be received, and truthfully, I was ashamed of my behavior. Emery wasn’t one to air dirty bedlinens in public, so I doubted she would be anything less than polite in front of our mothers. But I knew we needed to talk and address what was happening between us.

I should have realized that Emery wasn’t going to settle for ambiguity in our changing relationship. Of course I was content to remain as I had been for several weeks past—kissing and touching and pleasuring Emery at every available opportunity. It was only natural that she wanted to discuss the new physicality happening or that she wanted to reciprocate. I didn’t really have a plan beyond continuing on until we were wed. And then ... I didn’t know. It was short-sighted on my part and entirely selfish. I could see that now. Not to mention a healthy dose of cowardice.

With our wedding still several weeks away, I had been unwilling to confess my feelings for fear of rejection. So I was content to act out my desires. All of them but one.

Just thinking back on Emery’s unaffected question made me feel sick.

What does it matter if we fuck now or then?

I’d answered the only way I could at the time. It mattered to me. It still did.

I couldn’t fuck Emery without her knowing the truth of my feelings—the breadth and depth of them. The thought of taking that final intimate step, of erasing every barrier between us, as some sort of experiment in attraction made my already anxious stomach roil. What I wanted was to make love in truth, as husband and wife with no more secrets between us. And without turning back.

I was a greedy bastard, desperate to cling to our friendship while fervently hoping that both everything and nothing would change. That Emery would see me and my love and realize all the ways I could make her happy. I would dedicate my life and our future to keeping our relationship intact. I hadn’t been lying about preserving our friendship.

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